Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Fahrenheit 9/11: Hijacked By Hippies

I went to see Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 this past Sunday night. I had to get advance tickets on MovieFone.com because I had heard about the crowds. When I arrived at the theatre, MovieFone.com (you owe me twenty bucks, assholes) was down so the show I had already bought tickets for was now sold out and I wound up having to pony up again to catch the next movie showing. Long lines were already forming for the next show and when they finally opened the doors. My girl and I were trampled by line-cutters like the last metal-heads making for the fire exit at a Great White concert. From there we were hassled over seats, my date had her breasts fondled by some dickhead at snack bar and then some rude-ass, black, French fucks tried to bum our popcorn off us. This is the far left? Peace, love, tolerance, and all that shit? Goddamn! What kinds of dicks are coming out to this flick anyway?

The only group of people in America that would actually smell better dead…

HIPPIES! GOD DAMN, FUCKING WORTHLESS, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, TWO-FACED, ARROGANT, STUPID STINKING HIPPIES!

Should Michael Moore’s vision of America come to fruition, this is the sad portrait of what America could look (and smell) like.

I’ve received a lot of email from the right-wingers over at CJ, which accused me of being a liberal (or whatever). Take your collective dicks off of Rush Limbaugh’s chin for one second. If I had the power I would instate the following:

Mandatory Abortions: When some slut in America gets knocked up abortions should be automatic. Unless there is some legitimate reason why the bitch should procreate -- it’s off to the clinic for the federally subsidized $400 scramble.

Public Executions of the Homeless: Do I really need to expound on this one? It makes perfect sense. Clean of the streets while creating a multimillion-dollar spectator sport! Think about the $$$!

Mandatory Breast Augmentation: All chicks C-cub and below or with flapjack boobs will be sent off for state funded boob-jobs.

Not so liberal, eh? I though you would bd be surprised…

It’s true. I don’t like Bush, but I have an even bigger hatred for hippies. Dubya may have usurped the Presidency, but hippie culture has systematically fucked up tons of things for me. Roger Waters quit Pink Floyd because he was sick of the hippies at their shows. I used to love Hacky-Sack until I was downwind of too many putrid, malodorous Pechuli-crusted, hippies in tie-dyes, playing the game. After that, I had to retire my hack. Primus was one of my perennial favorites, until I went to one of their shows a couple weeks ago. Who was now following Les Claypool like he was Jerry Garcia? HIPPIES! GODDAMN, FUCKING WORTHLESS, STICKING, SACKS-OF-SHIT, HIPPIES!

Why should I let them win? Because “You are who you rub elbows with.” I ain’t gonna be a goddamn stupid fucking hippie!

Now, they’ve come for Michael Moore.

Enough about the hippies for a minute, do I really think it might effect this next election? Nah. For anyone who went to see this film this weekend your verdict was already out on Bush. Like anything that gets too big, there is always a backlash. It’s popular to bash Bush, but what about the Bush-Bashing-Backlash? It might hit just in time for November. Bush may actually get bashed back into office if we’re not careful. Ranking on the President is about to be as played out as your Members Only jacket.

So what about Fahrenheit 9/11? It is a powerful piece of film. If you’ve already read Stupid White Men or Dude Where’s My Country then you already know everything that will be covered. Like everything else from Moore, it is well-researched propaganda from the extreme left, but it’s definitely worth watching.

However…

It’s too bad it will all be lost on those stinking-ass, stupid, fucking hippies!

Take A Shower Bishes!