LA Jay

My whole life I've heard so many horror stories about Los Angeles: "Oh, LA sucks…", "I hate Hollywood", and "blah, blah, mutherfuckin' blah-d-blah-blah". At times, I might even have even been swayed by the hype that has been keeping me out of the most awesome place on Earth!

You can say what you want about the City of Angles, but I love it and better than that: I LIVE HERE NOW!

Why would I ever do anything so cliché as move to Hollywood? I heard LA sucks, right? I am sure that 99.9% of the horror stories about this town came from people who moved out here trying to "make it", wound up working six menial jobs to live here while still focusing on their "career", went insane, and now push shopping carts up and down Sunset bickering with invisible demons.

So, what if you have already "made it" and are loaded, like me? Then LA is one giant pussy just waiting to get fucked! You would think I'm "a nobody" because you run into celebrities everywhere in this town -- shit, I found one on the roof of my building…

It's true, while the life of an internet celebrity may not be anything like Ashton Kutcher's -- there are similar perks. In LA, it's all about "who you know", and guess what?

I AM "WHO YOU KNOW"…

Do you see the picture above of me decorating this plant with a half digested a corned beef sandwich from Greenblatt's Deli? This picture will be seen by hundreds of thousands of thousands of people just on my whim.

I got pull like that, I am a facilitator, I can make things happen for you…I can make 1 + 1 =3.

Working on a TV pilot that could use some exposure? Feel free to bribe me with your finest bugger sugar, nubile teen daughters, or rigs full of speedballs. Are you in a band waiting for that first big break? I am. Look at that…whoops, I just gave it to myself! It was just that easy. Are you a struggling actress? You'll be snuggling with the business end of my snotty fuck-stick if you want your quest for fame expedited.

There are a million stories in this town and I plan to get a few on the front page of CJ. You want you mug up here, in front of millions of people, like I do now? Email me (jay@consumptionjunction.com) and, maybe, I'll have my agent get back with you.

As you can see, I know influential Jews in the entertainment industry! I am beyond celebrity - I make celebrities into celebrities. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Yin and the Yang -- I've got the drive, the power, and the intensity to make it! I know, this all sounds like a massive ego trip, but it's tough to manage all of this clout.

And it would be easy to get caught up in the excess of it all…

Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail.

Or this just might be another bad LA story.

Peas Out,
Jay