Are you tired of roughing up the suspect to some grainy porn on your PC? Are you tired of your girlfriend (or mom) walking in while you are punching the clown in front of plasma? Fear not, once again technology has caught up with porn, or maybe porn has caught up with technology – either way there are some new sites out there that are broadcasting in full HD (high definition) quality and, let me tell you – YOU CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE!

Check out these 3 new sites that are so crisp and clear that you can practically taste the quim coming off of these girls snatches (snatches.com is on of them, ironically) – you can witness the teen glory of my new favorite whack fantasy Brooke Skye, get about the closest you will ever come to being a real gynecologist with Snatches, and might even make some lucky amateur pervert rich with XXX Prize!

I have to admit that I was skeptical at first, but now I know that HD XXX is the way of the future and I am signed on!

Roughing Up the Suspect = One of my favorite euphemisms for masturbating.

While it hasn’t been a My Sex Tour or Euro Sex Parties yet…as I account from the first class cabin of a train bound for Berlin — our stop there will be (rather appropriately) the Berlin Zoo…now I can re-account the haze of the last few days in Amsterdam:

After a rather brutal 10 hour flight in the sardine cabin on KLM, the first day seemed to start off normally enough: a visit to the smoke to stock up on weed, hash, and mushrooms, a quick cat nap, and then off to the first party of Webmaster Access 2005. The decision was made early to eat our bag of mushrooms and break off from the Webmaster Hoy Paloy to go out and experience the real Amsterdam.

Sounds smart enough, right?

We made through the packed lines at one of the higher end disco techs (via greasing the bouncers with a few Euros). Once inside, the mushrooms really started to kick in, we all started decorating on our shoes with a delightful array of vomit before getting back in the cab only to get into an impromptu fist fight in the middle of the street that was stirred on by one of my colleagues that shall remain nameless but for the purposes of this blog shall be henceforth be referred to as “Glass Joe” for his penchant for going down with one punch in a fight he started.

Having become concerned that I had not taken a poop the entire time I was in Europe – upon returning to my hotel room that night, (not being able to read the roper dosage for some laxatives because it was in Dutch) took four tablets rather than recommended dose of one. When it comes to OD’ing hell hath no furry the throes of a heavy laxative overdose. Most of the next day was spent alternately puking and shitting to the point I had purged out my soul, but one must soldier on…

The next night was off to more parties with the up and coming Interclimax Girls, where I popped around three tabs of ecstasy. After a while of hanging out – we got a call from “Glass Joe”, who said that he had a large quantity up in his room and asked if we would come by to to help him with it.

Of course, we obliged.

We sit there hitting the weasel dust pretty hard for the next few hours when the decision was made (not mine) to call up some hookers around 9AM. Now keep in mind, by this point I am on so many drugs and so drunk that a crane and a truckload of Viagra could not get my dick even halfway hard. Nevertheless, 4 hookers come over at the cost of 250 Euro a piece to sit around and watch us do drugs for 2 hours!!!

Now how stupid is that?

The next night was pretty much more of the same – hookers, partying, ect…except this time I actually managed to make it to bed by 7AM only to be interrupted by my cell mate bringing in a quite voluminous, yet quite psychotic, menstruating go-go dancer.

I said “fuck it”, got up, and spent the last day there touring the Van Gough museum, playing a little blackjack, and taking the crew out of a nice night of “romance” in the Red Light District — where again, I didn’t get any hookers. Yes, it is fun to window-shop, but there was more traffic coming in and out of these girl’s booths than the LA freeway at 5 PM. It was obvious these Dutch hotties had seen more dicks than Haynes Underwear in just one night!

Who knows, maybe I’m losing my edge.

I’m off to the Fatherland.

Jay

Honestly, this is probably my favorite site we’ve put out so far. The content is rock solid Latina hardcore, there’s lots of hot threesome action, a lot of it was filmed in Brazil (we also have some major Venezuelan, Argentinean, and Mexican hotties), and the design is top notch. I know the site makes me want to punch the clown!

Check it out here:
Black Dicks Latin Chicks

Not that long weekends mean much to a guy like me, except that I get to hang out with my working friends. This picture pretty much sums up this past Labor Day weekend:

I don’t know what it is about the people I choose as associates, but I always seem to get the tightest with folks whom can get me in the maximum amount of bedlam. Such is the case with my new Associate in Mayhem: Joel Goldman (sounds funny without an “esquire”, no?).

Anyhoo, Effective September 2005: It’s going to be a good time to be in the drywall business in California! Hollywood needs to post “keep these guys out” pictures like we were writing million-dollar rubber checks, so none of the after-hours mansion parties get fucked up so badly the insurance industry collapses trying to pay the claims…

The two craziest muther fuckers in the 323 are on the loose again:
The J&J Wrecking Crew

Party Like Rockstars or Put A Foot In Yo’ Ass!

Going To the Foil = Smoking Crack

Isn’t it funny how when white people smoke cocaine they are “freebasing”, but black people are “smoking crack”?

Either way:

Smoking Coke = Smoking Crack

Don’t be a puss…GO TO THE FOIL!

Just like they say, “Nobody reads Playboy for the articles!” – hopefully, if you are reading this blog (which is a part of it’s parent site Jays XXX Links) you will be happy to know that my staff and I (at a serious cut in advertising revenue) have been busy removing all links which contain pop-ups and exit consoles. We hope that this will create a much better experience for the users and will (hopefully) keep you guys coming back.

Look for Jay’s XXX to be 100% console free within the next 2 weeks.

I’ve always said, “People never call people out for the assholes that they were in life right after they die — they always kiss ass and talk about how great they were. It good to finally see some post mortem smack talking directed at Chief Justice Rehnquist — it couldn’t happen to a better person.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/huffpost/20050905/cm_huffpost/006844

Now the only thing we need to worry about is who the next bigger asshole is that Bush and his cronies will throw into the mix – but, hey Rehnquist, don’t let the coffin door hit you in the ass when they put you 6 feet deep…ya’ fucking dolt!

Good riddance!