CHRISTMAS 2002 CONTINUED: THE FIRST ANNUAL PINK PONY ALL DAY CHISTMAS DRINK-A-THON: It was an all-day epic standoff at one of ATL’s finest shoe shows: The Pink Pony. I don’t write for the money, the glory, or the avalanche of star struck sluts – about the only perk is the occasional bartender who hooks us up with free drinks to have some quasi-celebs like the CJ crew frequenting their establishment. We arrived at 6:30 PM and the Jagermeister started flowing hard and fast. The plan was to drink until the 4AM closing, but at the hands of the merciless, quadruple Jagermeister shot-pouring bartendress, Jessica, it became obvious that we wouldn’t be able to hold it together until last call. As the evening wore on, some friends joined us, but by the time reinforcements showed, it was too late — our gooses were cooked. Before we redecorated the inside of the club in a sea of half-digested, purple taco remnants, we ducked out.

Everything after that is a haze. I woke up the next morning to find half-a-dozen eggs smashed all over my kitchen floor, and my stereo stuck on a repeat of “The Eggman” by the Beastie Boys. For the record, I have no idea what happened — I don’t even BUY eggs. It’s a funny thing, blacking out — it’s probably your brain trying to protect itself from storing such retarded memories.

Hard to believe, in not even twenty years I’ve gone from a bright eyed young boy, waiting to hear Santa slide down the chimney to a smut peddling, egg molesting deviant, arguing with litigious needle junkies over the number of dicks you can fit in a bitch’s asshole. Yeah, it’s sad but true, but I suspect as the years go on…

It’s only gonna get worse.

Happy Holidays,
JAY