After making one of the worst travel mistakes of history, we left Mexico en route for San Paulo. For many years it was my dream to visit Brazil – the cucarachas, weather, and women…all those god damned women…did I mention all of those god damn WOMEN?

Are picking up what I am putting down?

Finally, we had a good business excuse to visit Brazil: To begin principal photography on Phatbootybrazil.com – it would be our follow-up to our highly successful Brazilbang.

Monday: We arrive in San Paulo at 7AM and catch a cab to our hotel. On the drive out from the airport San Paulo in nice, green and peaceful — then…the traffic. Worst shit I’ve ever seen. As our cab ebbed down the highway the first the first thing we see is a nice bird’s eye view of one of the gnarliest prisons ever. Maybe Brazil could be a little scary. We get to our hotel about 8:30, but can’t get in our rooms till almost 11AM. Finally pass out, wake up at 7PM, and meet Bruno from Dickman’s Designs for some dinner at Barbacoa. Bruno give us the good 3 cent / 2 hour tour on San Paulo which includes the tranny district, the hooker mall, the ciudad of rock, and a few other points of interest…then we head back to hotel hotel, I piss out my ass for an hour, and call it a night.

I blame Mexico.

Tuesday: Still feeling worn down as shit, I get up at a decent hour, work out, and have our first meeting with Alex – our contact for content. We discuss what we want shot for a while and then he takes us past this part of town where there is nothing but music stores – we are talking like 20 Guitar Centers end-to-end. In the window of one of those shops I see — could it be…a fender strat with a maple neck and a duel coil Seymour Duncan? I’ve been looking for one of those years. I get out of the cab, sure enough — there it is! I decided to do an impulse buy and pick it up for around 900 USD. We go back to the hotel, eat dinner, knocked out a few riffs and call it a night. Somehow I expected more action.

I still blame Mexico.

Wednesday: Get up at a decent hour, work out, and go meet Bruno from Dickans Designs for some very productive business meetings. Go back to the hotel, sleep, wake up and go out for pizza, beers, and some of the most Gnarly sugar cane liquor (Cachaca) that I’ve ever tasted (I know it even sounds like a venereal disease). We hang out at a couple bars, they were kind of a sausage party…not much happening. Brazil wasn’t the place I had always dreamed of — maybe we should have gone to Rio and taken our chances with the epidemic of violent street crime I’d heard so much about.

If I’ve bored you so far…keep reading because this blog is about to do a 180.

Thursday: Wake up, work out, and spend most of the day working and at meetings. Drop by the “hooker mall” to inspect the talent and go by our content contact’s house (who lives with his parents) and are introduced to the guys family and some of his younger brother’s friends. One of the guys is named Adriano, who manages one of the hotter clubs in San Saulo (Asia Seventy). That night we meet up with Bruno and Mike from Dickmans and go have some sushi which is “very nice, very nice” and go there. We spend most of the night getting interest from and consecutively striking out with hot Brazilian after hot Brazilian because of our lack of Portuguese. Late in the night Adriano comes up and says, “He man, I’ve got some girls here that are bitches…they are down to fuck.” So, I’m figuring that this is going to be “pay to play”, but I am fine with that…this is our forth night here, so shit had better start happening. Three girls show up and my friend says, ”I’ll take the big one” and he splits with her. That leaves me with the other two and because of the language barrier; I am unsure of what is really going on – next thing I know: I am in a cab making out with the both of them. In the heat of it all, I forget to grab any cash and wind up back at the hotel with two girls and about 5 USD. Once back in the room the threesome was in full mutha fucking effect. This was not some LH3 this was the real deal – pussy licking, switching up, two bitches on my knob hardcore mange a trios double team supreme! I can remember looking out as the sun was coming up over the very impressive San Paulo skyline and I was fucking one of these girls doggy-style while the other yelled the first English I had heard from her all might.

“Good moning!!”

I yelled with them, “Good morning…”, but then I forgot where I was.

“Good morning San Paulo!!” – they screamed, it was glorious, truly glorious.

Friday: I wake up, do another round of the double team supreme, and now had arrived the moment of truth…I knew I would be wandering around hungover doing the walk of shame (AWS) an ATM with the 2 girls in tow. Much to my surprise the girls had got up, wrote their numbers down for me, kissed me, thanked me, and left…no cash!

You don’t have to be a weather man to know which way the wind blows.

Today would be the first day shooting Phatbootybrazil. Alex comes by and picks us up to take us to the set. We get there and most of the talent has already shown up. Alex has said outright that we could have nearly and girl we want for free (some) or 200 Hay (less than $100). We watch the first scene as the quite whacky, but hot Gabby. My friend directs and it seems thing are going quite well, so I walk over into the room where the rest of the chicks are hanging out. There are four more back there one is just retardedly hot, her cousin (also “very nice, very nice”) and two other Brazilian sluts that are smoking, and one relatively cute girl with a big ass that can’t take her eyes off of me. One of the assistants on the set (Panda) tells me that the retardedly hot one says that, (this gets a little weird in translation) “wants to eat me” but within 5 minutes the cute one with the fat ass is making out with me, she is rubbing my dick, and so I figure that it is a sure-fire GFE from this one. We hang around for the first few scenes, see that we are in good hands, and we take off with one of the girls and the driver. On the way back we are stuck in the hellish San Paulo rush hour with four other people in the car. By the end of the 1.5 hour / 10 mile ride – we are reduced to doing nothing but saying blah, blah, blah, doing imitations of elephants, and making shadow dogs with our hand while stewing in the suicide level exhaust fumes.

It’s a sad thing to say, but San Paulo traffic makes me look forward to the LA. That is a very bold statement.

So, my buddy takes off with his chick from the scene and I wait for mine. Alex calls me and says, (more whacky translation) “I’m not sure if you want that one, she is bad like milk that has passed it’s expiration date, but Manu (the retardedly hot one) says that she wants to fuck you. So do you want me to send her?”

“Sure.” I tell him.

“She will be there in an hour.”

Right after I get off the phone with him, I get a call from Anselmo (Anspermo) from Mike In Brazil wanting to go hang out at some dive bars. So I figure that I can do both: take the girl out and hang out with Anspermo. So at 10:30 walk out into the lobby as both are coming in. Anspermo and Manu actually see each other before they see me…its obvious that they’ve met before…lol.

So the three of us go off Augusto Street (the seedy side of town) and Anslemo says:

“Dude, she will not like this. I am cock blocking.”

“It’s my world she is just living in it.” I respond.

Anslemo laughs, “I supposes, what were you going to do seeing as you can’t talk to her? Speak the universal language?”

We both laugh.

We go out to a few bars, have a few Boheneas (Brazilian beer), and have a good time. After a while it seems like Manu wants to go back and “make sex” so we return to the hotel and speak “the universal language”…in fact we do it quite well. I’m not sure which I liked more – the double team supream or Manu — they were both “very nice, very nice.”

Brazil was sure picking up.

Saturday: I wake up and speak some more universal language with Manu. Alex come by and picks me up and we go down to the Ciudad de Rock…which is an real metalheads wet dream. Just like trhe street of music store this was a giant 3 floor mall of nothing but heave metal stores…the place was completely off the charts. I blew about $100 of Celtic Frost Shirts and anothet $500 on obscure 80’s thrash CDs (Whiplash, Holy Terror, Exiter). If you are a metal fan make the trip to San Paulo for that – you won’t be disappointed.

That night we have a hookup with our boy at Asian Seventy, so we go back to try our luck with some of the local girls. We get there kind of late and it takes us a while to get a buzz going, but once we do — we wind up hanging out with a local cop (a lieutenant) and a judge – two very good people to know in Brazil! After the club closes, we are headed out to “the house of houses” (Love Story) - the most sketchy after hours bar on earth (does not open until 5AM) with the cop and judge. We are introduced at the door as “policia American” and wind up getting total VIP treatment. We get a table on the dance floor and are surrounded — street hookers, trannies, drug dealers, gangsters, and random vermin…it was crazy.

Somewhere in all of that I had arranged a double team supreme with two other local chicks through the cop, but after all of the talk of trannies and getting jacked by hookers I decide not to pull the trigger on anything and go back to my hotel around 9:30AM alone.

Sunday – I wake up to go have a late lunch with Alex and when he shows up at 2PM I am still quite wasted. Seeing as it was my last night I had to do something, but I was pretty partied out, so I see if Alex can get me Manu again. Later, he calls me and tells me that she is still available and I can get her cousin to come over if I want…hell yeah, that sounds like a hell of a last night and (ironically) not the first time that I’ve had two cousins this year. They come over, some serious double team supreme cousin fucking goes down, the cousin splits, and in a stroke of genius I break out my laptop and fill the uncomfortable silences between fuck sessions with talking to thus girl through hooker babblefish…which can yield some pretty funny results:

“I payment deffered vace the blonde face I know voce likes me fear voce.” — oh well, at least I tried!

Oh, well – it was a hell of a lot better than I was doing. Really after a wile of talking to her on hooker babblefish I was realizing in her own hookerish / pornstar way starting to actually like me.

Monday: Our flight was out at midnight. I was supposed to meet Anselmo at one to got back to the cuidad de rock. Me and the chick pass the early morning having dome really very good sex and talking on hooker babblefish more:

“Me fear me like you too much maybe it is best you are leaving today”

Aww,how sweet?

In fact when it was time for her to leave she actually started crying and hugging me – again, this wans’t the first time I’d made a hooker cry…the poor girl. On the way downstairs I run into Alex and he tells me that I had made the her late to do a tranny scene.

Romance.

Maybe she wasn’t crying for me – she was crying because she had to go bang trannies…*swallow pride now*.

So I meet Anselmo and we spent the rest of the time milling around the music shops and the Cuidad de Rock. I pick up a few more metal albums to declare at customs.

Anslemo explains, “The porn chicks here will never fuck the other people in the business and that girl Manu that you were with is one of the most famous porn stars in Brazil…she’s also done a scene with he mom (who is also a porn star).”

I guess just me and her cousin was just a slow Sunday night then *swallow more pride*.

My conclusion: San Paulo fucking rocks and we got dialed in there big in just a week — we had the locked up the porn chicks, the guys who run the clubs, the cops, a judge, I had expanded my already burgeoning metal collection almost 1000%, bought a fucking kick ass guitar, and made pretty solid group of friends there.

San Paulo is one of the greatest places I’ve ever and I can’t wait to go back.

Who’s up for it?

Jay

Hooker Babblefish - a way to fill the uncomfortable silences between fuck sessions with a girl that does not speak your language.

The guys who invented Babblefish would be proud.

The Universal Language (UL) – sex, sexo, culear, boom-boom, ect…

Double Team Supreme (DTS) - The very opposite of a LH3. This is a real threesome – not just two girl tag teaming you…we are talking pussy eating, banging both sluts at the same time porno style awesomeness.

Pay To Play (P2P) – When you find hooker that are not at work at the whorehouses (technically off work), but will fuck you for a few extra bucks in they like you.

Usually at a discounted rate.

Pay To Play (P2P) – When you find hooker that are not at work at the whorehouses (technically off work), but will fuck you for a few extra bucks in they like you. Usually at a discounted rate.

“Nobody likes beheadings,” the president said.

That’s where he’s dead wrong…I think they are hilarious!

This may well be the end of times. The moral fabric of America is unraveling: domestic violence, teen pregnancy, gang activity, and high school drug use are soaring to an all time high. At the very core of these problems is the growing dysfunctionality of the American family unit. These days, misguided kids without proper parental figures are maturing outside of “the traditional family environment”. Looming over us is a national divorce rate that by some figures exceeds 50%. The death knell of the idealistic American family will be sounded largely by the fact that men and women do not understand one another, and, therefore, cannot get along in the context of a meaningful relationship. Boys are exposed, from the womb to the tomb, to society’s obsessions with male bravado, sports, and just plain macho nonsense. This causes them to grow up unaware of the myriad complexities of the female being.

Without at least proper basic knowledge of such affairs, relationships are doomed to failure. What is a broken home? It’s a failed relationship. With the failure of relationship, comes the collapse of family. With the collapse of family comes the collapse of society… and, perhaps, the end of civilization as we know it. One giant failing of the American education system is that they do not teach the nuances of complex adult relationships to these kids. With each passing year, younger and younger children are taught sex education in the classroom. The whole point of sex, at its most basic level, is to ensure the perpetuation of the species, but there is no need to teach this to hormone-loaded pre-teens because this knowledge is innate and they will do it anyways. What youth of the world need is a healthy dose of male sensitivity training — that’s right, male sensitivity training. Young and old men alike need to better understand the complexities of the fairer sex, so here it goes:

THE HILTER SKILTER / END O’ THE WORLD CRASH COURSE ON MALE SENSITIVITY:

It is a proven fact that there are only two types of females:

Hatchet Wounds: These are the types with pussy lips hang out - also know as beefcurtians, mud flaps, or meat lips. It wasn’t your massive cock that gave her that hangage. It probably has more to do with an excess of Y chromosomes, so think about that before you grow that extra hand to pat yourself of the back with. OK, Mr. Stud?

Hoof Prints: If your original run-ins with the images of vaginas were through Playboy or some other kind of softcore porn publication; then it would be easy to think that these were the only game in town. Hoof Prints are also that magical vaginas are to blame for hundreds of hours you’ve wasted scanning MTV and DVDs for camel toes.

OK, that’s it! Congrats, you just got your GED in male sensitivity.

Now, are you ready for some advanced post-graduate work? Yes, it is possible to have a deeper understanding of women without being a pussy-whipped codependent fag that cries during sappy movies. Here is a list of the deeper female characteristics; you just need to look a little bit further into slight variances in the composition of females in order to be a guru of male uber-sensitivity.

The Giant 70’s Bush: You know what I’m talking about — the un-kept 70’s beaver you grew up doing the five-knuckle shuffle to your dad’s Ginger Lynne tapes over. In this modern world with vast options in hair removal products, the Giant 70’s Bush is totally unacceptable. One should not have to call in a crew of Mexican landscapers when it’s time to lap some clam. It kills the mood.

The Groomed Vagina: A step in the right direction, it’s basically a well-groomed version of the 70’s bush, but it is nothing compared to the following two techniques, which are both tied for my favorite:

The Mohawk Bush: The “treasure trail” popularized by late 80’s porn; is the cut of choice among most strippers. This genital hairdo was pioneered by Adolf Hitler and his groundbreaking facial hair of the late 30’s.

Shaved Completely Bald, Baby: Seems to be this millennium’s hot trend in vaginal maintenance; girls who can’t even grow peach fuzz yet are already trying to shave it off. Makes clam lapping a breeze, also stirs one’s inner pedophile. There’s nothing wrong with a bald G-string oyster – nothing at all.

OK, that’s it about it. I hope reading something so monumentally sensitive didn’t dissolve the cartilage in anyone’s wrists or make anyone seriously consider a career in interior decorating. Remember, by practicing the ideas put forth in today’s article, you will enhance your personal life, current or future relationships, and will create a brighter future for all of humanity… because sensitivity makes the world go round!

Also, it might give your backhand the much needed rest it needs!

See You at Church,
Jay

Just got done with Webmaster Access (Webmaster Excess?) Mexico it sounds like a fun idea on paper and would be — if only you could be done WITHOUT THE WEBMASTERS!

OK, I’ve come out and said it: I HATE GOD DAMNED STUPID ASS WEBMASTERS…well maybe with the exception of Ramos, Eric, Poppy (Adultrealitypass.com), Roger From Pornopushers, Tony from NatNet and a few others…the rest of them can put their mouse down, shut down Windows, and LICK THE SNOTTY END OF MY FUCKSTICK!

OK, I’m out of the closet now…I admitted it — I am embarrassed to be included amongst the “webmaster” ilk.

Cancun was still not back up to 100% from the damage of recent hurricanes. Though I’ve never been to Cancun during spring break it was described by veteran sprinkbreakers as “The lamest Spink Break Ever”….top that off with a bunch of sexually frustrated, testosterone pumping, keyboard jockeys with no social skills…it’s a recipe for disaster.

Not once, but twice, I had my ear chewed out because someone else didn’t get some pussy. One guy actually had the nerve to call me a cockblocker after I had winged him on an ugly chick for damn near and hour and he couldn’t seal the deal. During that time, I had to jump in to back my boy Eric (who almost got in a fight) and then return to my winging. This guy is twice my size, saw the whole thing, and didn’t lift a finger to help.

Bros before hoes, huh?

Guess not.

OCCash does a rather sizable amount of business with his company and I am seriously contemplating pulling all of it, giving it to a competitor, and sending an email to his boss saying:

“We have pulled several hundred thousand dollars of processing because one of your employees is a choad.”

That’s the kind of dickhead I am.

Other highlights of lameness included three days of pissing out of my ass, a ultra-sucky concert by Fat Joe (who replaced the equally lame Busta Rhymes), and a performance by Paul Okenfold (Paul Cokenfold?), who sat up on stage surrounded my DJ equipment, but for some reason looked like he was just sending faxes…

Ironically, the noise a fax machine makes actually sounds better.

By the last day, I was pretty much avoiding the whole webmaster fold and hanging out with some compulsive liar guy from New York, an old Dick D fan, and a few other select non-retards.

Right now, I am in a plane in route to Brazil to hopefully make atonement for the lameness in Cancun.

When I get back, I might do The Phoenix Forum, but after that – I am seriously contemplating leaving or lowering my profile in this business and start making a living writing, playing music or doing standup comedy.

Yeah, the money might not be the same, but at least I won’t have to hang out with a bunch of lame-ass WEBMASTERS!

OK, this one is going to be huge…Black Mother Fuckers – the first ever interracial / MILF site! BMF was shot by the same production crew that show Brazilbang, Phatwhitebooty, and Phatbootyhoes – bottom line (no pun intended) – this is some hot ass ethnic porn that is 100% whackable!

Check it out here:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/sites/blackmotherfuckers.com/

A great thing about this site is you are going to see some of the great old school porn chicks diving pussy first back into the jizz biz. Already on Blackmotherfuckers.com we have shot Selena Steele, Tiffany Mynx, and Lisa Ann – some of these chicks have not been seen in quite a while and have legions of loyal fans that would love to see them fuck again!

This site is going to kill it.

Here’s a couple free samples from Blackmotherfuckers:

Hot brunette gets a wake up call (Selena Steele)
Pretty blonde with right ass gets a workout (Hot)
Piano teacher fucks her student - 6 Clips
Fly spanish mom gets xxx rated

Happy whacking!

The next morning I completes another GFE with my girl and we took the 2 hour trek back to San Jose. Since Varius from iWantyou dropped the ball on his GFY blog, I will post his account of that night, as it is a pretty decent one:

Tuesday - After having a harder time waking up than usual (due to the real long Monday night partying!), I sludged over to my computer thinking to myself “Ah, finally tonight I can relax”, as I dove into my work.

Then, I got a call. It was Rob from XonDemand. I thought to myself “oh no! not more partying!!”

He and Bob, plus XXXJay and Airek, were finally coming back into the city from Jaco. They wanted to come down to checkout our offce and grab some dinner after. Sounded cool, I figured maybe they were dead as well so it’d still be an early night.

Well they showed up, got the tour of my dungeon, took some pics of “doing business” to justify the trip and then we went out to dinner with Michael (IwantU), IwantU_Jennyfer, IwantU_Rosalia_lara and I along with three of our office girls (Susan, Mau and Vanessa). We went to a nice italian place that everyone seemed to enjoy; the best part was how an 11-person tab including some drinks, desserts, appetizers and main courses came out to only about $170 - these are the real Costa Rican prices, not Jaco’s Gringo Tax that some of you may have participated in Mike had to leave early so left me a deadly weapon with which to pick up the tab: his black card Mouhahahahaa.

Rosalia and Vanessa headed home, leaving us with 8. We tried to come up with a decent place that would have people on a Tuesday night, and found one called El Sultan. It happened to be student night (I think), so beers were 60 cents (pitchers at $2.25!) all night long. Unfortunately it was WAY overcrowded (hrm university kids and cheap alcohol, who ever though that’d work ) so we only had one round of beers (thanks to Rob for the entrance and Jay for the drinks - I think - sorry if it was Bob or Airek but I can’t remember eheh)

On to the next spot, where they were having a free Raggae/ton/hip-hop party. Big thanks to Rob and Bob for leaving their tab open for us

*One of us* was involved in some dancing contest on stage (no, not me) and kicked the other guy’s ass! Can you guess which guy it was??? Soon, Susan had to leave, so we were down to 7. I was feeling wrecked (tired not drunk), but figured I could stick it out a little more.

On to Friends we went, a bar next door that was also packed. Again thanks for picking up the entrance tab guys As they weren’t giving out beer or most drinks to our free drink tickets, I introduced Bob to Guaro - he liked it. We introduced Jay and Airek to some girls we knew there, and they just went wild

Jen, Mau and I eventually left, but we knew we were leaving them in - well ok maybe not “good” hands LOL - but in some female hands.

Great night even though I was drained, thanks to everyone who was there!!

We wake up the next moring, my girl completed the GFE by giving me a morning shot of pussy — meanwhile, and I can hear Eric and his girl in the shower.

The girls comes out saying, “My pussy is broken, es El Burro!”

Now my and Eric aren’t bad…we both can fill some Gold Labels (Magnum Condoms), but these girls see more dicks than Hanyens Underwear. There’s no way our cocks are that big…or are they? Perhaps not…she was probably doing was using a time tested Lazy Hooker Techniques (LHT). Yeah, it seems brotha are packin’ these days…but there is no way that these girls can be for real about it.

So, we spend that night riding ATVs through the mountains of Costa Rica and then we are left with what to do with the night. We were starting to get sick of the whoring. We were going to go out, have some Sushi, and GO ANYWHERE but the Beetlebar.

We all go downtown get some sushi, mill up and down the street and look into all of the dead bars. Nothing going on here, looks like the Beetle bar is happening.

“Fuck the Beetle Bar…it’s a burnout scene”, was our mantra.

We go to a couple of other bars get charged 80 USD for a coupe rounds of drinks, talk to some putrid / annoying / geeky American “surfer” chicks from the Midwest, and then decide that there is no excaping the gravitational force and wind up back at the Beetle Bar…. (see below)

Scarey, huh?

Where we begrudgingly hired a few escorts and tried to show them a little romance by taking them to the The Monkey Bar. On the floor, I bust into one of my pattened “throw me a word” freestyles and lay down some serious break dancing moves. Sometime during “the worm” my wallet spills open, my colones, my dollars, and my credit cards go flying everywhere. Miraculously, everything is returned to me by the locals except $180 bucks I had…oh well, I was lucky to not lose that.

Till then THE HOOKER I WAS WITH gave the money back to me. Somebody, better call up the Catholic Church…a bonified miracle just happened! She had played a great long game…she was going to get nailed that night. It seemed like Eric was starting to make some progress with two civilians until the appearance of the level 5 clinger / hooker from the night before came in and wanted another night with the “El Burro” for some reason (Cockblocked).

In the meantime, Bob and Robb both wound up on acid somehow and me and Eric split with our tricks. That night, we decided to make our own WFR by breaking into the room next to us for some romance.

Apperantly, no matter how y0u try and fight it… in Jaco Beach there are two thing you can do on a weekday night:

Go Mongering or Nothing.

Good stuff.

Lazy Hooker Technique (LHT) - A (sometimes brilliant) psychological ruse a hooker will use to avoid having sex with you again while still retaining full payment.

See the classic “you are way to big” routine.

I wake up and knock the bottom out of the girl from the night before one good time more. This was the day that most of the people would be leaving, but me and Eric pretty much had the whole resort to ourselves. I sleep most of the day and when I get up I run into the other two toxic twins, Bob and Rob from XOnDemand.

We go downdown determined to find a good mongering experience. At this point Eric hadn’t been to the Beetle Bar yet. The Beetle Bar is a whoremongers paridise – just a relaxed beacjh bar with millions of Latina hookers in it that classic rock blasts from the stereo all day and night and the mongers crawl to and fro like zombies in The Return of The Living Dead for days on end.

We hang out and get really wasted. Those guys pick up 4 hookers for themselves and me and Eic grab 2. We went back to the room and duel-mongered and both got the GFE. The chick I grabbed was a pretty hot, busty gir from the Dominican Replic. Apparently, over at Bob and Robs room two hooker split eachother lips, the room was flooded, along with other various assorted mayhem.

Maybe it was a good thing our girls were in a rush to do business.

A great mongering experience to say the least.

Dual-Mongering - Banging hookers with your accomplice.

INTRODUCING THE SIMPSON TWINS: We would like to interrupt your regularly scheduled masturbation to introduce two twin sisters that are going to make a giant splash in the jizz bizz. They are the Simpson Sisters – they are hot, they are twins, and they will do anything.

If you are looking for some new twin action you can check it out here or here.

Saturday: That day we were supposed to go on the pirate hooker cruise, but when we found out that we’d be stuck on a boat all day, hungover as fuck, with a bunch of girls that weren’t even hookers (the aka: Models) we decide to pass. I am sitting at the resort, eating lunch, and I look down the end of the table and I can see my friend YNOT Bob sitting there talking to a these guys casually. The sign some papers, shake hands, and the other guy says to me.

“Guess what?” Bob says, “I just bought a mountain!”

So that afternoon, me and the owners of (Topbucks – who makes all of these awesome porn sites), Ponopoushers (who makes these awesome porn sites) Bob and a developer take a ride up and check it out. Very, very, impressive.

I thought this was something Bob had been reseaching for a while, but no. This was his first time in Costa Rica and he had only seen the mountain the day before.

I like this guys style.

That night we cruise down to Playa Hermosa for a party DJAirwreck (Ragecash) would be deejaying. The party is at a dope club on the beach. At the party I am introduced to a guy that only refers to himself as “the captain” who was the esteemed author of the Secret Hooker Algorithm (TSHA).

Erics DJ’s two songs and then tosses his record into the sea. Now that’s punk rock!

Earlier that day I had warned of the impending cum tsunami that would fly in the direction of the first chick that could actually make me blow a load of man spackle…see — in the days prior, I had been boning a bunch of sluts, but due to a lot of condoms, CIHS, and a lot of alcohol – I had never really blown a nut. Whatever bitch did finally make me nut would have to face a 30 foot cum tsunami roaring toward her face!

I wind up hooking up with some awesome civilian pussy (well maybe partially civilian, she was porn talent)….we go back to her room and we fuck like champions.

The tsunami was unleashed – widespread reports of power outages, flooding, and mysterious patches of thick leche run rampant among the natives.

Here is a picture Gary from Latincash / Wet Latina Girls thought he could bribe me with…but there is no shame in my game:

Grand fucking slam.

Secret Hooker Algorithm (TSHA) – A system devised by “The Captian” to rate the worthiness of a hooker purchase. By which point are assigned as follows:

10 Points for Face
10 Points for Body
10 Points for Attitude

Under no circumstances should you go below a score of 18 when purchasing some talent.

Civilian - Snotty high-falutin’ (really undeserved) porn lingo referring to people who are not in the business as “civilians”. In this case, since we are all in the porn industry, referring to hookers vs. industry.