The past week business with OCCash found us gallivanting back in Europe for the www.livesexawards.com.
Here’s a quick rundown of the mayhem:
Friday – Arrive in Budapest very early in the morning only to realize that we’d been fucked by Hotels.com. The reasonably-priced dwelling that we had booked online was actually about and hour and a half outside of Budapest and not the .5 kilometers from the Parliament Building promised. We did some quick shuffling around and once again at the most luxurious hotels in Europe, the Kapinski. Often, much attention is paid to the plight of the poor, but the troubles of those forced to live in conditions of extreme luxury is oft ignored.
It’s a pity, really.
After a day napping, we meet up with a bunch of hot Buda locals we knew to go out for dinner and drinks. This girl I knew from last time because who says I am “good at sex” meets us out at one of the bars later. Because I didn’t recognize her straight away from our very romantic 2BAC / 1.5 hour one night stand almost a year ago, she gets drug out of the bar by her angry lesbian friend like the Italians dragged Mussolini corpse through the countryside.
After that, we hit some other discotheque that was packed to the gills with hot Hungarian women, but exhaustion hits and we call it a night.
Saturday – Wake up, walk around the Vaseteuten for more gawking Hungarian wool (these girls go past the 1-10 rating…they go to 13). That night we met up with the same group of bimbos (plus a few new ones) from the night before. We go out to Studio, which has the highest BPSI (Bimbos Per Square Inch) capacity I’ve seen anywhere. I wind up meeting up with the girl I had sent running to the hills the night before, drag her home, and lay pipe with extreme prejudice. When I left, my business partner was on the phone with his girlfriend (why I don’t know) – apparently after that he began speaking in Dutch, talking to people that weren’t there, and jumped in some unknown person’s Porsche. The only reason he knew that was not because he remembered it…it was blackout time…HE HAD LEFT HIS CELL PHONE ON IN HIS POCKET!
Sunday – I spent most of the day knocking the bottom out of the girl from the night before, popped over the the Westend Mall to buy a backpack, and booked my tickets to leave for Barcelona Spain the next day.
Monday – I went sauntering off to Barcelona as the International Man of Mystery. From the past Phoenix Forum I had some unfinished business. Of course, I am not mentioning any names to protect the “not so innocent”. We meet and I check into the equally opulent AC Diplomat Hotel in Barcelona. We go out for drinks, have dinner, then more drinks, and philandering.
Tuesday – Wake up, more philandering, and set out around the city. It is a nice day in Barcelona and we spend the day at various cafés, walking around the parks, the Barcelona Zoo, visit the famous basilica (which they’ve been building for 100,000 years or something), take a quick siesta, go out to eat at this really stuffy French place where they will only serve one dish, have more drinks, and more philandering.
Snorting white pepper isn’t illegal,
but it’s not a good idea either!
Wednesday – Early I am bound on a flight for Zurich continuing back to Budapest The connection was tight as Eskimo pussy in Zurich, so my bag never made it onto my next flight. I get back in Budapest just in time for the Live Sex Awards…I must say that this event was one of the weirdest — no make that THE WIERDEST things I’ve ever seen) – I thought it might just be WAY TOO EUROPEAN for my peanut-sized brain but even the Europeans seemed miffed . After a while of being at the ceremonies we hooked up with our buddies Joel, Amanda, and Crew from Paycom.net, and Tim and Morgan from Cybersocket and we went out to Jam Pub for Karaoke Night. About 10 shots of Jaugermiester later, I was up in front of the whole place performing what I hear was quite a stunning rendition of “Freebird” (there’s a video floating somewhere). From there, it was off to the Gay / Tranny show and that is where things really got ugly. Most everyone puked, blacked out, or woke up somewhere they didn’t know where they were. At some point, thinking I was in the bathroom at the bar, I went and accidentally pissed in the closet.
The irony: coming out of a closet in a gay bar.
Thursday – We go for day two of livesexawards and decide to do some networking and attend a few of the seminars. Since we had been talking about running a Tranny Cam house out of Brazil we decided to check out the cam seminar which I will have to say was the most unintentionally hilarious things that I’ve ever seen. The fanatical, misogynistic, Romanian pimps ripped the moderator a new. I will attempt to get a video of the show and post it here because words cannot properly describe this unfortunate debacle. From there we met with some other friends and a guy with 5 grams of horribly low quality cocaine in his pocket simply referred to as “the enabler”. We went back to the Livesexawrds for a short time and headed off to this giant outdoor bar where I spent most of the night alternately puking and slamming down shots of Jaeger till the sun came up.
Friday – Was a pretty low key day we had to me moved out of our rooms because they were sold out but got put up for the night at the Presidential suite at the Kapinski. Paycom invited us to come out to London on their dime for a few days. How can you say no to that? We booked our flight for a quick one night jaunt over to England, went out to dinner at the strangely named Café Negro where we met Mike from Mikeinbrazil, Mikesapartment, and (my favorite) Euro Sex Parties. After dinner me and Mike hit the casinos to lose a little money and drink.
Saturday – Off to Luton Airport outside of London. The good folks at Paycom had put us up back in the lap of luxury again at the Soho hotel in London. The cab ride from Luton to Soho was almost as expensive as our flight. We meet our crew over at the Harrods, where we leave after five minutes but leave because of the crowds and retreat to the safety of a local pub to start downing some ale, from there it was off to the local strip bar when we got the call from our lawyer that big things are about to happen for us in America — drinking accelerated. Then it was off to the British Air 15 second tour of England of some Ferris wheel looking thing on the Thames River…it was pretty cool but it was starting to make me sober up. After the tour we went off to dinner at some Persian place where we drank heavily, ate, and got a little greedy and started taking dinner breaks to go in the bathroom to do bumps of coke. An experienced drug pallet like mine knows that this was not coke…this was speed…oh well, it was drugs. After dinner, we were escorted to a pretty damn swanky club (Paper) where we commandeered the entire VIP section in true OCCash style. We almost closed the deal with a few hot looking British Page 3 birds, but thinks somehow fell apart last minute, but they wanted to see us the next night. By the time I made it to the streets I was in rare for, hurling insults, throwing bottles, and just begging to be the next ugly American to get hauled in chief constable in the area.
Geezerz need excitement / If their lives don’t provide them this they incite violence / Common sense simple common sense
Amazingly, I made back to the Soho in the back of one of those bicycle cabs and rejoined the group. We ate drunk-munchy-kabob-aweful-food-Engish-thingers and played Gum, Cum, Gun’s, and Gangs till dawn.
Sunday – Wake up at 1pm and catch a cab back to Luten airport to go back to Budapest for a night and get our plane for LA in the morning. London was great; I really wish we could have spent another day(s) there. I decided to put a cherry on top of what was already and awesome trip and I sent Mikey and SMS to see if he could get me one of his beeoches for the night. It was affirmative, so I had her come by at 10:30 to the Kapinski. She was a pretty famous Hungarian porn star and was absolutely SMOKING HOT…we are talking nice face, slim waist, nice thick legs, an onion booty that would make you cry, and a pussy that wouldn’t quit. I tried, in vain, to create some kind of “hooker chemistry” but it was a lost cause…about as far as we got was:
“In Hungry it is new law that you go to prison if you make violence against dog.”
We quickly got down to business, it was some pretty decent sex, and she dropped me back at the casino to hang out with Mikey and slam beer and Jaeger till 4am.
Jay and the elusive Mike in Brazil.
Wrap-up: 3 countries, 10 days, countless condoms and many good business contacts later I’m back in LA…and it’s perfect.
Now turn green with envy,
Jay