I realized the thumbnail post was a mess, we did a massive overhaul…check it out here:
http://www.jays-xxx-links.com/links/tgp.html

Somebody sent me this after my last post so I figured I’d put it up. Funny stuff!

Catchy song too.

Hey you…I was walking down Hollywood Boulevard the other night and I saw this dude in a Charlie Chaplin outfit.

I said, “Hey man, nice Hitler Mustache!” and the dude pulls this piece of paper out of his pocket…all pre-written and shit.

The photo turned out great considering it was a camera phone.

Talk whatever shit you want to about LA…”it’s phoney, it expensive, bad traffic…blah, blah blah” — here is one shop that you won’t be seeing in your local stripmall in the Midwest or Southeast!

Excuse me, I have some glaucoma I need to treat herbally!

>>>>>INSERT ENVY HERE< <<<<<

Here is a glimpse of tomorrow’s post for my new site www.loljesus.com. I recently bought it off this guy for $1000 USD. Since I’ve owned it, I can’t believe how many fans it has and how much shit gets sent in. It’s made me even more exited about keeping that fucker stocked with fresh blastphemys!

Note: Fried chicken and watermelon for added visual insanity.

Visit: www.loljesus.com.

Check out my new project:

www.xxxpornmovielinks.com

It’s a 2nd generation linklist that is similar to Jays XXX but has some nice improvements.

To travel to India and punch a cow.

Just thought you should know.

Just thought you should know.

A lot of people make a lot of assumptions about me — maybe because of the way I look or probably the shit that come out of my mouth. Fact is, I am uber-tolerant…I could give a fuck less about your race, religion, or sexual preference…if you are an asshole – you are an asshole.

Case closed.

Of course you cannot be tolerant without accepting other people’s rights to be hateful, bigoted, or racist if they want.

If you are truly tolerant, then you must respect anothers wish to be intolerant - that is true tolerance.

Just my 2 cents,
Jay

Sort of like those “Hey man, is that freedom rock? Turn it up!” or “Did you hear? Disco is making a comeback!” commercials; one might be led to believe that heavy music is making some kind of resurgence, and it is! In fact, it’s here — welcome to the apex of Metal’s new wave of popularity. Hey Metalheads, enjoy it while it lasts, because we are one Smells Like Teen Sprit away from another long stretch of irrelevancy. Look, I consider myself a metalhead. I grew up on Slayer, Iron Maiden, and Metallica. I LOVE METAL, but today’s “scene” has an Achilles heel – one that I will expose now:

Problem 1 — LACK OF HEAVY METAL SLUTS (Typicus Metalus Bimbosus): Whatever happened to the fucking metal sluts? What happened to the big haired, short mini skirt, push up bra, band-dude banging, coke snorting, silicone-enhanced bitches that were working at the titty bar to pay your rent, and bragging to all the other sluts about how big your dick is? Right now, they might look kinda’ funny, but back then it was good pussy! Plus, it brought people out to the shows! Did any guys like Warrant? Were dudes really dying to see Great White back then? Hell no! Did guys go to the shows to score Warrant and Poison loving stripper sluts? Hell yes, they did! In my opinion, the abundance of loose snizz floating around the 80’s metal scene extended the whole genre’s lifespan five years longer than it should have lasted.

Back in the day, I remember being just a bit too young to truly capitalize on this plethora of loose hairband puss. In fact, I can remember getting the short end of the stick! The hot, slutty, scandalous groupie bimbos I went to high school with were always fucking the guys a few years older than me that were in bands! Those fucking cunts!

Fast forward to 2002 >>> Now here I am, in my internationally-known, rock god, pussy-getting prime - and WHERE ARE ALL THE METAL BITCHES AT?! Where is the new generation of metal sluts? They’ve got to be somewhere! Who are they out breaking off? DJs now?! Moby looks like he has cancer, and I bet even he has groupies! These days, all the young sluts go to raves. Do they bang the DJs? Probably. What the fuck? I got rid of my record player years ago because I THOUGHT I DIDN’T NEED IT ANYMORE. What happened to having to build an ark and grab two of every animal to paddle out of the show because you risked drowning in a sea of hot groupie quim when bitches saw you play guitar? All of the hours I wasted practicing! I’ll never make that mistake again; which brings me to my next point…

Problem 2 — NOBODY CAN PLAY GUITAR ANYMORE: Back in the day, even the bands that SUCKED at least had decent guitar players. Skidmark — mean, Skidrow — SUCKED! But at least ‘ole Snake Sabo could play a god damn guitar solo. These kids today, they get a guitar, tune it down so that you don’t even have to play real chords (also known as the drop D cheat), get their neighbor to whine on a demo about how his dad buttfucked him too much, then some record company schlep comes along, and hands them a contract worth a cool Mil’. What the fuck is that? I ain’t player hatin’ — I would run with the money too — but now the problem is that everyone is afraid to do anything original. The same diluted, lame shit is churned out over and over again on a weekly basis — just as long as labels are still making money off it! After a few years of this, the “scene” will burn out, just like it did back in the day. On top of that, there will be NO GROUPIES to save you! Then you have to deal with this…

Problem 3 — CRACKING THE MULLET CONSPIRACY: If you fancy yourself a big Nü-Metalhead, take a good look in the mirror — that is what you will look like for the rest of your life. I think people have a tendency to try to emulate the appearance of what they looked like in the best year of their life. Ever wonder why there are so many mullets? BECAUSE 1987 WAS A DAMN GOOD YEAR! If you think all of the piercings and tats that make you look so “edgy” right now will still look cool in 10 years, then please consider this simple equation:

TODAY’S TREND = TOMORROW’S MULLET

The same can be said for the “music” that is being vomited forth from this terrible mess. If you don’t think Coal Chamber is going to be about as irrelevant as Britney Fox (young people, look it up) in a few years, then you, my friend, need a checkup from the neck up.

And now for the Coup de Gras – We won’t be fooled again: Nü Metal is phonetically pronounced “New Metal”, right? I am about to illustrate to you, using the power of mathematics, that THERE IS NOTHING “NEW” ABOUT IT! Be prepared; you are about to be BLINDED BY SCIENCE.

Alice in Chains - Coolness + Living Singer = Godsmack
Stryper + Pearl Jam = Creed
Bon Jovi + Hootie and the Blowfish = Puddle of Mudd
Faith No More + Backstreet Boys = Incubus
Rush - Getty Lee’s Nose = Tool
Styx + Milli Vanilli = Linkin Park
Shit + Uncontrollable Vomiting = Crazytown
Skidrow + Fatter Singer = Papa Roach
Poison + Chick Bassist = Coal Chamber
Twisted Sister + Hulk Hogan = The Disturbed
Quiet Riot + Live Singer = Drowning Pool

Sad, isn’t it? I don’t see the next Pantera, Black Sabbath, Slayer, Iron Maiden, or Metallica coming out of this. Just a giant sea of crap the public will grow weary of very soon. It’s too bad — shit, maybe we can try again in another 15 years!

Horns up,
Jay

“Nobody likes beheadings,” the president said.

That’s where he’s dead wrong…I think they are hilarious!

How to completely defrag, optimize performance, and rid your laptop of all viruses, worms, spyware, and malware without any type of RAM upgrade or software in just a few seconds:

Also: Removes annoying monitor glare from your screen too (well, not really).

Quick message to whoever the assholes that wrote Spy Sheriff and NT Authority\System Shutdown shit…there’s a special layer in hell being reserved for you right now. It will be the 27th layer and will be three times as hot as the rest of hell, but with no air.

I will be there to meet you assholes. You’ll notice me because I will be the guy pouring acid into your faces while holding a bag of air and charging you to breathe! Ya’ fucking bastards! Go back to slaying Orcs with your broadsword / working on your resistance to lightening — you fucking geeks!

And stop fucking up our computers…we have porn to publish!

On a side note: Hewitt Packard noticed a slight increase in laptop sales in the Los Angeles area.

I was looking through the comments on LOLJesus when I found this guys comment:

Fads don’t end, they evolve. Current events suggest that the time has come. Christian Fundamentalists have passed the torch of silliness to Fundamentalist Muslims the world over. Why not get current with an “lolmohammed” sidebar? You’d probably get a lot of european traffic from irate asshat believers and happily participating infidels.

Left by namder on February 5th, 2006e

What’s funny is I was already thinking the same thing and agree 100%! I just wasn’t sure if this was maybe a little too off topic, but fuck it…I just added a new category:

Lolmohammed: Becasue Muslims suck too.

Maybe I’ll become the first person to be killed over a blog. Then this site will really get some traffic!

People often ask me, “What’s with the Jager obsession?” Here is a heart-felt poem I wrote to this delicious beverage:

There is this purple drink
It makes my liver rot
It often makes me puke
But it is my favorite shot

It’s like choking down cough syrup
Goddamn it makes me sick
But somehow I can’t seem
To get enough of it

Jagermeister…it’s not just for breakfast anymore!

That is all.

Now, return to your mundane lives.

Jay

The Pre-Booty Call Agreement
This pre-booty call Agreement (hereinafter referred to as “The Agreement”) is entered into on this ___day of ______________, 20 __, by ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the “Participant”) between ____________________, (hereinafter referred to as the “Holder of ‘The Agreement’”) and ____________________ (Participant). This Agreement shall cover the following rules and principles for the Participant:

1. No sleeping over!! Unless a repeat it in the morning is involved.

2. No meeting in public.

3. No calls before 11 pm. We have nothing to talk about.

4. No “lovemaking”. That is right out.

5. No emotional discussions!! i.e. where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is “no” all aformentioned items.

6. No plans made in advane - you are “the backup.” Unless you are from out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts accepted- money is always good.

8. No baby talk- however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers… it’s really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other friends with benifits. We are not friends, just fuck buddies.

11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK. Don’t be offended, you mean no less to me than you did before.

12. No leaving anything behind when you leave.

13. No falling asleep right after sex — get your ass up and go home.

14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it. I don’t care!!

15. You cannot borrow my car.

16. If anyone of the opposite sex asks who you are, the standard response will be “My roommates girlfriend/boyfriend.”

17. Doggie style preferred. Just hit it hard and right or get the Hell out! (Reason: The less eye contact the better. I don’t want to look at you.)

18. We are to hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes me, so stop calling!

19. Bring your own booze-I am not your liquor store.

20. No phone use, please! I don’t want anyone calling back looking for your ass. *Extra tip for successful booty calls: The holder of the Agreement may only alter the aforementioned rules. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of the Agreement, it will automatically become null and void. The Participant will then be removed from the “Possible Future Relationship List” and given minimal Booty Call privileges, and cut off from any communications unless first initiated by the holder of this Agreement. If further violations of the Agreement occur the Participant will be deleted from phone memory, email list, and blocked from all communications until the Participant’s silly ass understands the rules.

Participant:

Signature: ____________________

Date: ____________________

Holder of the “Agreement”:

Signature: ____________________

Date: ____________________

Just in case you haven’t noticed…

MY BLOG HAS BEEN HACKED

The last blog we had back up was from 10/28…we are trying to import everything else back in now.

Sorry about the inconvience…more and the crazy story of the hacker will come soon.

You can catch up on all of the GFY drama here and here.